04
Jul
Beach Ballet – (Part IV)
by Telstar | 1 Comment
04
Jul
Telstar’s Piss-Off DuJour – “Holiday Safety”
by Telstar | 1 CommentThere’s a certain crowd of people who make their life’s work sucking the fun out of other peoples holidays. The July 4th weekend is one of their faves, because they get to be a royal buzz-kill by suggesting that we’ll probably be killed in a traffic accident, eat tainted potato salad at a picnic and die a horrible death, or, at least, be blinded by a wayward piece of fireworks.
It’s the same bunch who casts palls over all the holidays…
Christmas: you’ll be depressed and slit your wrists unless the Christmas tree catches fire and burns your house down with you in it first.
New Year’s Eve: You’ll die of drunkenness, either yours or someone else’s.
Mother’s Day: Your mother has breast cancer.
Father’s Day: Your Father has prostate cancer.
Halloween: Your children will suffer a hideous death from bad things hidden in apples by anonymous evil-doers, unless they’re struck and killed first by a car, because the kid can’t see out of his mask.
Thanksgiving: Death from food, or at least going to Hell for that gluttony sin thingy.
SCREW ‘ EM! Enjoy your good times, rejoice in your friends and families, because it’s ALL good!
Best holiday wishes:
Telstar
